Networking is overrated and probably not worth doing … for most people

What-You-Knows are now more important than Who-You-Knows

Building relationships with people is what humans are meant to do.  But we are meant to do it with a select few – our strong ties ( for example family, close friends, business partners). 

But there are also tons of people that we have weaker ties with, like friends of friends, former colleagues, and that guy you met once at a wedding who impressed you by eating three dozen shrimp.  We like these people – but maintaining a connection with them takes a lot of effort and time.  

So, the big question: Is it worth the effort to build and maintain weak-tie relationships?

In the 1980s, the answer was clearly YES.

But today, the answer is NO … at least for most people. It’s like asking if you should still be wearing those leg warmers.

The value of connections is falling (in the U.S.)

What-You-Know now beats Who-You-Know – The old adage that “it’s not what-you-know but who-you-know” is so entrenched that we don’t question the premise. For much of history, knowing the right people was crucial if you wanted cash, cache, and the right to boast at high school reunions.

A “Who-You-Know” generally has a very large network of weak ties. The ultimate who-you-knows make money by playing matchmaker: introduces two what-you-knows together and taking a vig. In the 1980s, the professions with the highest prestige were the matchmaker (who-you-know) professions (like investment banker, real estate agent, wealth manager, etc.).  Their rolodexes were worth the proceeds of the Thriller album.

this is what midjourney thinks a 1980s power-banker looks like

A “What-You-Know” is what it sounds like– whose distinguishing feature is their skills and knowledge. Think engineers, scientists, or that gal who always wins at trivia night.

In the past, the Who-You-Knows had the advantage. And because the they were constantly talking to smart what-you-knows, the who-you-knows ACTUALLY BECAME what-you-knows because they had access to a ton of proprietary knowledge.

"Raised lettering, pale nimbus."

But Who-You-Knows are no longer benefiting as much as they once did.  Median pay of investment bankers (the ultimate who-you-know job) has been as flat as a pancake for 20 years.  That used to be one of the most prestigious jobs.  Today, the lawyers make more than the bankers.  

HT: Wall Street Journal

Given our hyper-connected world, could it be that “who you know,” while still important, matters a little less than in the past? Could it be that “what you know” carries more weight? The answer to both questions is undeniably “yes.”

In today’s world, if you know something really compelling, you will be sought out … and sought out directly. In the past, the people with connections were gatekeepers who controlled access to the elite circle and got paid handsomely for it. Today, people that invent interesting things (the true What-You-Know people) will reap many more rewards than the brokers who make introductions.  

Trust (in the U.S.) is really easy to build

The United States is the highest trust place.  

Today, anyone with a great idea and wifi connection can get access to Marc Andreessen or Peter Thiel … and anyone with just a good idea can get access to the average financier.  So take that, snooty gatekeepers!

Back in the day, you needed to go to the right school or have the right family name to gain access to polite society.  Just like needing the secret handshake to get into the cool kids club.

Today, you can go from zero to hero SUPER fast.  You can reach people via cold email (or a Twitter DM) easily.  No secret handshakes needed.

Who You Know is MUCH more valuable outside the U.S.

In certain cultures, connections, longevity, and reputation are treasured like the family jewels.  In those places, middle-men are still really important.  They vouch for you.  The lower trust a society, the more connections matter.

So this blog advice is for people that want to succeed in the U.S.  Outside the U.S., it might still make sense to work on relationships and building those weak ties just like they did back in the days of shoulder pads and big hair in the U.S.).

Connections are more valuable when selling commodities

Relationship salespeople thrive on selling less differentiated products.  So the more you are in the business of selling something undifferentiated, the more it makes sense to invest in building weak ties.  

But if you are selling something that's as unique as a grain of sand, you are taking a pretty big career risk anyway … so, in that case, you might want to reconsider your career choice.

If you are at a venture-backed start-up, you are almost certainly working on something differentiated and unique.  Here relationships, while still important, matter less and less. You're too busy making your mark in the world.

Dunbar’s Number is a Lie

There is a repeated myth that a person can only maintain and manage social connections with 150 people.  That’s a lie.  It was never true and it is certainly not true today.  

But the number of people that everyone keeps track of is certainly growing.  Back on the savannah, we maybe kept track of 300 people (including fictional characters).  

Today, most people maintain deep knowledge of over 10,000 people (which includes fictional characters and famous people).  And we are getting better and better at it.  You can see it in the plot of TV shows which used to be simplistic and now take a master connector to sift through all the complex relationships (and back-stabbing).  Humans have rewired their brains just to track all the intricacies in Game of Thrones or Succession.

The noise is growing

Because we can keep track of more people today, it is harder and harder to get someone’s mindshare.  It is really hard for people to break in.  There are influencers like Mr. Beast that have invaded our brains like viruses … but that is their core job.  

The question is … is it worth it for you to be great at maintaining weak ties?  It would be if it were free.  But there is a real time cost.  It is super expensive to maintain relationships – the upkeep is very high.  Any real connector is spending hundreds of hours a year just on the maintenance of their current network. 

Given that the value of having a network is shrinking (it is still valuable, but just less valuable than it once was), should you really invest in it?  My belief is that only the super crazy connectors should continue.  Only those that get immense pleasure from building and maintaining connections to weak ties should continue to do it.  

Everyone else should focus on becoming more of a what-you-know.  Go ahead and feed your brain.

This is drawn from my original 2012 post in Summation, my  2014 post on Quora, and my 2019 post on Summation.  Special thanks to Kristi Allen, Jeff Lu, and Tod Sacerdoti.

If you like this, follow @auren on Twitter.