You, too, can be the proud parent of Abraham Lincoln’s baby

The dawn of designer babies as the ultimate fashion statement and the unfolding era of Branded Progeny

Have you ever noticed how much the brands we wear and the food we eat are influenced by what others think? It's like we're constantly seeking approval from everyone around us.

We raise our kids in the same way.  We over-schedule our kids not because it is good for them (we know it isn’t) but because all the other parents are doing it so we must too. 

So our kids are more like handbags then we would like to admit.

Enter Designer Babies

When you think about designer babies, people think about making the child smarter, taller, more athletic, better looking, etc.  And while all those things matter, they won’t matter quite as much as the brand the child is.

Because in the future, in the very near future, anyone will be able to have almost anyone else’s baby.  Yes, you will no longer be confined to the DNA of you and your partner … you will be able to mix and match from millions of celebrities.

How it will start … a pro-natalist contest

In the beginning, we are going to first see a race to see who can have the most kids.  In the next ten years, at least ten billionaires will have over 10,000 kids each. Not one, not two, but three people have recently mentioned to me that the race is already on. You think going to space is cool?  No … cool is having an army of sons and daughters.

For most of the world, $100,000 sets one up for life.  So we’ll see billionaires have 10,000 kids with a bounty of $100,000 per kid.  10,000 kids times $100,000 is just one billion dollars.  That’s like one less yacht … or one less Harvard building named after them.

Would you rather have a Harvard building or 10,000 little rascals that look like you (and maybe even have your last name).  Little Musks everywhere.  Harvard buildings are a poor man’s way to make a legacy.  10,000 children makes you truly immortal.

So that’s how things will start.  With a race among some pro-natalists super-rich to enshrine that they live forever. 

prompt: a male billionaire is standing on the deck of a large boat, looking up at his 10,000 children. The children are all wearing matching outfits and are lined up in rows on the deck. The billionaire has a look of pride and satisfaction on his face, as he surveys his large family. The boat is surrounded by a clear blue ocean, and the sun is shining brightly in the sky.

But why pay people to have kids when they will pay you …

Once it becomes commonplace to have a child of the super rich-and-famous, it will become more and more fashionable to do so.  And in fashion, brands REALLY matter. 

No longer will the rich-and-famous need to pay people to have their children.  The rich-and-famous will become even more rich-and-famous for selling access to their legacy.  

Think is cool to wear Air Jordans?  What if you could be the actual parent to a little Michael Jordan.  No guarantee your little one will win an NBA championship because he might be competing with thousands of others kids that wanna be like Mike (and are actually part-Mike too).

Like wearing Kylie Jenner’s make-up?  What if you can ensure that your daughter has skin just like Jenner’s because she’s ACTUALLY Jenner’s daughter.

Always wondering what a Donald Trump and Paris Hilton baby would be like?  Well, we clearly know it would be awesome right?   Well now you can know.  And raise it yourself.

The fastest revenue stream for a modern influencer will be an IPO of their DNA.  It will be the new SPAC.

Yes, in the not-too-distant future, you will be able to have the baby of your very favorite influencer.  Youtube stars will make more money selling DNA than selling ads (or hamburgers).  A lot more.  I mean how much would you pay to tell all your friends that Mr. Beast is the father of your little Timmy? 

There is no better way of showing you are a true 49ers fan than raising a little Joe Montana.  In fact, Montana is a GREAT first name! 

And are you REALLY a Swifty if your baby is100% related to you and your partner?  Just make it 12.5% Taylor Swift (and throw in a little Michael Jackson to ensure your child is a musical genius). 

Or you can have your own Stevie Wonder with perfect vision. 

Upset about the breakup of your favorite celebrity couple?  Well you (and millions of others like you) can still raise their baby. 

prompt: shoes and handbags … but the logo being a cute baby

Dead people can be parents too …

The race to branded kids parents won’t be confined to the living.  The dead will get in the action too.

Abraham Lincoln was super smart and a great speaker.  He was also tall, dark, and handsome.  I mean, who wouldn’t want Abe’s children.  Lincoln doesn’t even have a living descendent (his last descendent died in 1985) so there ain’t anyone to even sue you. 

Honest Abe is gonna to be a mega hit.  If you think it was interesting that there were seven girls named Olivia in your pre-school class, you will be blown away by the number of little Lincolns running around (complete with their cute top hats).  And you will not have to wait four score and seven years from now … this is coming soon baby … so buckle up for the brave new world of designer babies. 

prompt: 7 modern-day 4 year olds dressed like abraham lincoln all with top hats

The new world will won’t be Gattaca, it will be LVMH

You have to be somebody to carry around a limited edition Hermes bag.  You have to REALLY be someone to care for a Thierry Hermes’s limited edition children (limited to just 200 per year in 10 different colors). 

We already spend way more on our kids then we do on all our luxury purchases combined. That trend shows no evidence of slowing down.  Who are babies are related to is just a start. 

This is not science fiction.  This is not Black Mirror.  This is coming.

You might think you’ll be a conscientious objector.  Yes, you might be willing to give them 10 points on their IQ and might be open to making a wee bit taller … but you say you’ll never, ever treat your son like a Rolex watch to be ever so admired by others. 

But will you really object when all your friends are doing it?  It is not that your baby has to ONLY be the child of famous people.  You can still sprinkle in the parts you like best about you and your partner.  You can mix and match.  It is like the people that pay Nike $2000 to design their own shoes … but they still come with the Nike logo.

Think I’m crazy?  Wrong?  A modern day Nostradamus?  I’d love to hear from you.