Good advice if it's a business-related dinner party - not so good if it's a dinner party for your real friends. Sending out briefing emails pre/post party and setting moderators/topics all but ensures your friends will experience a stiff, stuffy, and unnecessarily uncomfortable dinner. Food is not the most important thing but it's more important than you realize - I couldn't be convinced to go to my own birthday party if the only thing served was pizza. I do agree that guest list curation is extremely important; in fact, I think it's the most impactful thing you can do before hosting. Even one rotten apple spoils the bunch. For the dinner parties I've held, I find that sensitivity, graciousness, and boundless generosity are in the end what convinces old friends to keep coming and new friends to relax and enjoy.
This is a thing? I'd heard that Americans try to curate dinner parties. As a proud European I've never done any other thing than sit there, complain if somebody serves me something involving celery, drink heavily, and talk to whoever I'm next to. Everybody else does the same, and it works.
It's not a thing. As a proud American, I've never heard of "curated" dinner parties before reading this, and have never attended one. Every American dinner party I've ever been to is exactly as you describe your experience - except I'm OK with celery.
Re: Acoustics mattering. I once rented a room at Per Se in NYC for NY friends who couldn't make my late wife's memorial service in Illinois. There were 9 of us in total, and it was a snug fit. However, when the door was opened, we could not hear each other at all (and it wasn't just us old folks). It was extraordinary.
When alcohol and side conversations are combined, you often have side conversations getting progressively louder because each speaker needs to be heard over the tumult, which causes a chain reaction. This really isn't productive, especially if older people who have trouble hearing over a noise floor are in attendance. But once you get to 10 people, I think it is really hard to maintain one conversation. So optimal party size may be important. 8?
What is this, a dinner for cops? This inexorable march to the Most Efficient Way to Have Fun ™ needs to be Highway of Death carpet bombed. I would be upset if someone commented like this on my substack, so by way of meta-empathetic context, allow me to add that our screen-mediated existence has disabused both of us, apparently, from treating other humans like they, too, have feelings, bones, and a butt. Do more drugs!
it is super hard. you try to create a topic that both couples are interested in. or you just invite one of the two people over for dinner (like during the week).
Perhaps you've structured all the fun out of getting together with friends
Good advice if it's a business-related dinner party - not so good if it's a dinner party for your real friends. Sending out briefing emails pre/post party and setting moderators/topics all but ensures your friends will experience a stiff, stuffy, and unnecessarily uncomfortable dinner. Food is not the most important thing but it's more important than you realize - I couldn't be convinced to go to my own birthday party if the only thing served was pizza. I do agree that guest list curation is extremely important; in fact, I think it's the most impactful thing you can do before hosting. Even one rotten apple spoils the bunch. For the dinner parties I've held, I find that sensitivity, graciousness, and boundless generosity are in the end what convinces old friends to keep coming and new friends to relax and enjoy.
Great how-to guide!
thank you!!
Been waiting for this writeup for 2 years! Time to go plan a dinner party.
Thanks for writing this up! I have noticed that the food does not matter that much for dinner parties or other events too! Thanks again
Charlie Stryker used to host dinners like this. Those were so great.
Charlie was a legend
This is a thing? I'd heard that Americans try to curate dinner parties. As a proud European I've never done any other thing than sit there, complain if somebody serves me something involving celery, drink heavily, and talk to whoever I'm next to. Everybody else does the same, and it works.
It's not a thing. As a proud American, I've never heard of "curated" dinner parties before reading this, and have never attended one. Every American dinner party I've ever been to is exactly as you describe your experience - except I'm OK with celery.
Re: Acoustics mattering. I once rented a room at Per Se in NYC for NY friends who couldn't make my late wife's memorial service in Illinois. There were 9 of us in total, and it was a snug fit. However, when the door was opened, we could not hear each other at all (and it wasn't just us old folks). It was extraordinary.
Great piece!
excellent
> any dinner that is not one-conversation is not worth going to and not worth hosting — those dinners are rarely ever good.
Wrong. So wrong. And embarrassing that you're so steadfast about this.
When alcohol and side conversations are combined, you often have side conversations getting progressively louder because each speaker needs to be heard over the tumult, which causes a chain reaction. This really isn't productive, especially if older people who have trouble hearing over a noise floor are in attendance. But once you get to 10 people, I think it is really hard to maintain one conversation. So optimal party size may be important. 8?
Any party size over 5 needs to have the option for a side conversation to start, if there is a will and a need.
I tend to agree that side conversations become necessary above 6 or so people. Otherwise it's too much like attending a talk and less interaction.
What is this, a dinner for cops? This inexorable march to the Most Efficient Way to Have Fun ™ needs to be Highway of Death carpet bombed. I would be upset if someone commented like this on my substack, so by way of meta-empathetic context, allow me to add that our screen-mediated existence has disabused both of us, apparently, from treating other humans like they, too, have feelings, bones, and a butt. Do more drugs!
**shudder** I kinda hate this guide. is this a dinner party or irl LinkedIn?
Awesome guide! Would also love to hear your thoughts about categories on what makes a good one-conversation topic
How do you deal with couples and one's own spouse who may have different interests?
it is super hard. you try to create a topic that both couples are interested in. or you just invite one of the two people over for dinner (like during the week).
Great read! Super middler required.
https://youtu.be/4m5LK4FTNoo?feature=shared